My 38 year old beloved husband passed away over a year ago now, and I’ve finally processed through enough time and grief that I’ve made the decision to live “in the world” again – with no agenda. What I’ve discovered is that the world “out there” is much different than I remember it, and it is certainly different than the small subset of the world I had created with my husband at home and my work at the church. One of the striking things I’ve come to realize is how much pain and loneliness there is among many “young” single people in their 30’s. I see a driving desire and a spiritual exploration in and among them for “true love.” For some, yes, this means a person; but for many -- because they’ve been hurt; because they have experienced a “failed love;” because they are wise enough to know that another imperfect person can’t just step in and “make” them happy -- it seems to be a very noble and radical search for what “true love” is – not a person, but an essence, or a way of being… if you will.
Coupled with this authentic “quest,” is a palpable mistrust and keen awareness of the “world’s” or “humanity’s” proven desire to manipulate power in order to gain control over others. Of course, we’ve all seen this with the corruption on wall street...etc., but I’ve realized that for some single “thirty somethings” who have taken the time to observe and/or experience examples of love in marriage, family, and yes, in the church, one can find many examples of how love has turned away from what Paul describes in 1 Corinthians (Love is patient and kind.. knows neither envy nor jealousy..is not forward and self-assertive, nor boastful and conceited. She does not behave unbecomingly, nor seek to aggrandize herself, nor blaze out in passionate anger, nor brood over wrongs. She finds no pleasure in injustice done to others, but joyfully sides with the truth. She knows how to be silent. She is full of trust, full of hope, full of patient endurance), and it has moved instead toward a desire to “control” or “own” another person… not intentionally, but perhaps out of our basic “need” for love, and therefore driven by a fear of losing it. However, then, it’s no longer love – at least not the way Paul describes it… How real this slippery slope is, and how difficult it is for us to stay on top of it! I readily admit that I have been impatient, unkind, envious, jealous… with those I sincerely love… and the regrets that linger after they are gone are humbling and life altering… And yet, the moments of pure love that open up and break through so deeply that you can no longer separate yourself from the other or from God – those are the eternal blessings in life for which I am utterly grateful and overwhelmingly blessed.
Clearly, Jesus reminds us that this IS our main quest, our most important quest, and in fact, nothing else matters if love is not first present. It is a divine commandment for us – to love – God and neighbor. I can attest, that by losing everything with the death of my husband, I have gained a difficult but very real understanding of what Jesus is saying -- at the end of the day, when we become ashes -- and we WILL -- there’s just not much that’s important – it’s pretty much just love. When we get this, then there’s not much left to be impatient, unkind, envious…about.
So, do we really understand as a people, as a community of faith, as believers in God’s Word that our foremost duty is to love? Do we take it seriously… because it really isn’t debatable… this IS what we ARE to do. If those hurt “thirty-somethings” came to Broomfield UMC, would they find another reason to be skeptical and jaded, or would they stop and see something imperfect, but authentic and real between us? Would they be inspired to love back?
What do you think?
Coupled with this authentic “quest,” is a palpable mistrust and keen awareness of the “world’s” or “humanity’s” proven desire to manipulate power in order to gain control over others. Of course, we’ve all seen this with the corruption on wall street...etc., but I’ve realized that for some single “thirty somethings” who have taken the time to observe and/or experience examples of love in marriage, family, and yes, in the church, one can find many examples of how love has turned away from what Paul describes in 1 Corinthians (Love is patient and kind.. knows neither envy nor jealousy..is not forward and self-assertive, nor boastful and conceited. She does not behave unbecomingly, nor seek to aggrandize herself, nor blaze out in passionate anger, nor brood over wrongs. She finds no pleasure in injustice done to others, but joyfully sides with the truth. She knows how to be silent. She is full of trust, full of hope, full of patient endurance), and it has moved instead toward a desire to “control” or “own” another person… not intentionally, but perhaps out of our basic “need” for love, and therefore driven by a fear of losing it. However, then, it’s no longer love – at least not the way Paul describes it… How real this slippery slope is, and how difficult it is for us to stay on top of it! I readily admit that I have been impatient, unkind, envious, jealous… with those I sincerely love… and the regrets that linger after they are gone are humbling and life altering… And yet, the moments of pure love that open up and break through so deeply that you can no longer separate yourself from the other or from God – those are the eternal blessings in life for which I am utterly grateful and overwhelmingly blessed.
Clearly, Jesus reminds us that this IS our main quest, our most important quest, and in fact, nothing else matters if love is not first present. It is a divine commandment for us – to love – God and neighbor. I can attest, that by losing everything with the death of my husband, I have gained a difficult but very real understanding of what Jesus is saying -- at the end of the day, when we become ashes -- and we WILL -- there’s just not much that’s important – it’s pretty much just love. When we get this, then there’s not much left to be impatient, unkind, envious…about.
So, do we really understand as a people, as a community of faith, as believers in God’s Word that our foremost duty is to love? Do we take it seriously… because it really isn’t debatable… this IS what we ARE to do. If those hurt “thirty-somethings” came to Broomfield UMC, would they find another reason to be skeptical and jaded, or would they stop and see something imperfect, but authentic and real between us? Would they be inspired to love back?
What do you think?
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ReplyDeleteGratitude of Thanks...
ReplyDeleteI have never blogged, but the question – Is it our duty of faith to love? - posed by Charlotte on a June 28th blog has tugged at my heart to respond. John 3:16 – “For God so loved the world that he gave His only Son so that everyone who believes in him should not perish but have everlasting life.” One of the most repeated verses of Scripture is as deep as it is brief. As an action from God, Jesus came to us to display God’s character and set an everlasting example. In fact, isn’t it the fruits of the spirit that Jesus continually discussed and acted upon? Thereby, presenting us with the tangible understanding of God and his desire for us to be similarly responsive. To me, it somewhat boils down to acting on the fruits of the spirit (generosity, patience, kindness, compassion,..) provides the essence of love. And, thus giving love a life and touching those surrounding us. These actions being repeated with similar actions can do nothing but bring us all into a community of love with comfort and joy. And a sense of being in close alignment with Jesus’ own actions and closer to God.
In my life, the “essence” of love has been a journey to understand while having a continual hope in connecting with another’s spirited action. We are usually led to feel this essence of love is ONLY truly found in a marriage or partnership. I would limit my spirited action to a select few looking for the one to give love and, in response to receive it. At times, as I opened myself to one with love and not have it reciprocated, I would soon put it in a deep holding spot. Never thinking I could have it be present on my own. But, as Jesus showed, love is ever present and alive in each of us when acting with a fruit of the spirit. Simply “acting” on one of the fruits not only brings us into the sense of being but also gives those around us the love God has meant for all to share. So, my response to the question is ‘YES’ – that not only as a thirty something, but also as a twenty something, forty something and older, our duty is to convey and act on the fruits that God gifted to us and bring the essence of love to those around and strengthen the community into a Christ like being. I can only strive to let my heart and spirit work to what Jesus so effortlessly was able to do in bringing the deep meaning of love to all.
Frank Oligmueller